Pain for purpose

Hey loves.

Let me start by saying a huge thank you for the support on my last blog; the feedback and encouragement were so humbling.
 
I have to give God the props he is due; as I mentioned in my previous blog, I cannot write unless God prompts me with a topic that he feels needs addressing in this season.

Now we all know that God would never have me speak on a topic that I have not experienced myself or could not personally relate to, hence the transparency and honesty in my blogs despite my own desire to shy away from the exposure.
 
Recently I had to face some ugly truths about myself, ones that were deep-rooted, yet the weeds of trauma were beginning to rare their ugly heads. I noticed that often we pay so much attention to the branches (the effects), but never identify the roots (the cause).

 
Have you ever experienced scenarios and emotional outbursts that you simply just can't explain? This could be through moments of feeling extremely tearful, for small reasons or no reason at all, blowing minor issues out of proportion and making them bigger, feeling triggered by words or actions whether they are aimed toward you or not, and these words or actions do not have to be harmful to be triggering but could be an act of love that is misread or come across as threatening because of past trauma.

There are so many other signs and reasons for these outbursts, the above are just to name a few, specifically ones that I can certainly relate to.
 
Can you remember as a child, those aches and pains in your muscles and joints that just seemed to come out of nowhere, sometimes leaving you feeling crippled and in tears?

When describing the pain to your parents, the most common answer would tend to be," Oh, it's just growing pains" Growing pains?? I remember I could not stand hearing this, as I struggled to understand why I needed to feel pain like this to grow.  Truthfully, I also felt like that answer was sometimes a cop-out so that my parents could still send me to school lol.

 
I got to an age where I no longer noticed the pain, I guess because my body had decided that growing and developing were done for me.
Well, a reality check set in for me this season. These pains may have stopped in the physical but became more emotional and internal.
 
Patterns and behaviours that seemed the norm to me for so long, God had begun to highlight them through my moments of outbursts, to get to this place I unfortunately experienced conflict, not realising that the reasons for the conflict I was facing were in-fact internal. This does not negate the issues that arose to get me to that triggered place, but it highlighted my inability to cope in these moments, controlling my emotions seemed a far fetch, almost impossible, a rage too far gone that any ability to reason was a long shot.
 
I came to a place where I have had to ask myself, are my responses even warranted despite how I am made to feel in the moment? 

Amid the pain, my answer is a genuine Yes, however just like vodka chased with coke, my confident yes, was chased with half a pint of conviction (Yes, I am a Christian woman who no longer drinks but guys there was a whole wildlife before I accepted Christ lol).  
 
Guys, God spoke to me, anyone who has experienced conversations with God, or heard from God knows that there are many different ways he can speak to us, that could be through worship, audibly, through the word (the bible), he may use people or through a feeling we often call our conscience (Holy Spirit). During this period, he chose to use people, which truthfully really wound me up, due to the fact the person he chose to use was the very person who I had most of my disagreements with... Drum roll please, MY HUSBAND, loooool.
Now I questioned many times why Lord why? *Drum roll please* Humility.
 
Now we know correction and having your issues highlighted is not a nice feeling at all, but even worse when it is being done by the same person you fell out with, is so painful, lol.
 
However, who better to help you gain clarity than those closest to you, they tend to be able to see the things we cannot see for ourselves. I have to take this moment to give Dominic props, this man has truly demonstrated a commendable level of patients for me, which I know can only come with prayer and fasting, as I can even get on my nerves at times and can admit that I am a lot, lol. (Proverbs 3:12)
 
Many questions arose, but for me, the most important ones were, why do I feel like this? Where does it come from? is this mine to carry? how do I close this door? who is my true enemy? how can I fight effectively?
 
When we know that we are out of character these are the questions we need to step back and ask ourselves.

Identifying the root of your issues is so important to receive your closure, understanding why these things or scenarios are happening or being highlighted helps in the process of forming a strategy for change, and knowing who’s the catalyst behind your issues. 

It's important as the enemy is great at hiding himself behind people and making them seem like your problem when in truth it's not the person, you’re fighting but the spirit behind them or even the spirit in you (Our Demons). The enemy can also use you by whispering lies to you at that moment, forcing you to see, hear or think things that are not indeed true, causing you to have FEAR (False Events Appearing Real) instead of Faith. (Ephesians 4:31-32)
 
In recognising these moments, we will have a better battle plan, a strategic prayer list and a firm foundation where we can refocus our anger, frustration, aggression or whatever it may be that we are dealing with; refocusing the aggression toward the one that deserves it and that’s the enemy, the one whose job it is to steal your joy, kill your destiny and destroy any hopes of you becoming who God called you to be; aborting your purpose (John 10:10).
 
In all truth and honesty, being corrected, whether by God, your spouse, your children, your friends or your pastor, will not feel good at the moment, It can be one of the most painful things to experience in life, as it makes us feel uncomfortable, sometimes ashamed or even frustrated, well speaking for myself I know these are some of the emotions I face when being pulled up.
 
But that's exactly what this is, it's being pulled up. God wants us to come up higher, there are places he wants us to go, things he wants us to do, that require us to change, requires us to level up, and demands us to mature and grow into the men and women he called us to be. I know where God is taking me insisted that I let go of certain habits of behaviour that could do more harm than good to me or others in the long run.
 
I realised that growing pains never end because it's something we are always going to have to face if we desire to walk in purpose, we cannot approach the things of God anyhow, and this is a painful lesson I'm learning. We cannot graduate from university with the same behaviour we had in college, each upgrade required a new level of maturity which forces us to be willing to let go of parts of ourselves that are no longer relevant to that season, or that were never meant to be a part of us in the first place. Unfortunately, we tend to pick things up on our journey through life and claim them for ourselves; things that were never meant to be ours.
 
When God is taking you to greater things, and you responded Yes and amen, you permitted him to start the pruning process.
 
I have shed many tears this season because it was not easy to come to terms with my truth and I have been extremely humbled by the mercy and grace of God over my life.
Though the process is painful, I know it's worth it, as I unload the rubbish, I have carried over the years, the more I begin to look like the woman he called me to be. (Isaiah 41:10)
 
During these seasons I have learnt to be careful of my surroundings, be mindful of what and who I am listening to and keep myself close to my inner circle who will hold my hand through the pruning process and aid me with God's wisdom through the growing pains.
 
As I wrap up, in reflection It has come to me that growing pains are not always internal but sometimes are experiences that we go through in life, that impact you in a way you probably never fathomed, experiences that alter the whole trajectory of your path, the plans you may have had in mind, the goals, dreams and desires you thought you would pursue, the people you held close in hopes you would share life together ( family, friendships, Jobs, Church family etc) these all carry weight when the outcomes alter your desire.
 
I encourage you in these moments to stay hopeful, and prayerful and never lose sight of God's plan, when you surrender yourself and your plans, hopes and desires to God, there is no room for disappointment.
Also, it is so important to remember that you are not a product of your past, you are not a victim to your circumstances, you are not a prisoner to the pain, but indeed you are an overcomer, a survivor, and a warrior. (James 1:2-4)

If you are still seeing weeds in your life, address the roots, pluck them up and expose them, give them to God and never allow them to grow in you again, instead allow God to cultivate that space and begin to sow seeds that bear good fruit. (John15:2)
 
How will you know if you're still carrying weeds that need uprooting? check the mirror, the word of God (Bible) is the mirror we should be using daily to check ourselves and see if we look and act how we should, according to the one who created us. In this mirror not only will you find conviction, but love, gentleness, forgiveness, and healing… that’s a promise.
 
Thank you for taking the time to read this blog, I hope that there is something among these many words that you can take away today that will bring you revelation and help you to walk in the process of answering the call of God.
 
Love to all X 
 
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and
purify us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)