Submission…who you talking to?

 Hey Loves

Despite almost being in the third month of the year, this is my first post of 2023, so... Happy new year, I hope you are well and enjoyed the season of crossover and that you and your family saw it through safely; may this be your year of prosperity, growth and elevation. 

I do not doubt many have made new years resolutions and goals; I hope you can see them through successfully. 

I do not make new year's resolutions because I do not see them through for the entire year; that's not because I don’t want to be consistent but because I have learnt that, I have my plan and God has his way of ordering my steps, so I like to leave room for change or adjustments (Proverbs 16:9). 

Yet I still have many desires to see a change in my life, changes such as physical health, spiritual, financial growth and prosperity. I know that I do not want this year to look anything like last year because if it does then I know I have not grown or changed in any way shape or form, for me, this is a contradiction of the word in (2 corinthians 5:17).

When we go through the crossover at midnight, going from one year to another; this is an opportunity to leave old things behind to start fresh in the things we are drawn into by God. To be fair we are offered this grace every day we wake up, but I know that many see the end of one year as a chance to make the changes we want to have a completely fresh start, renewal of self, goals and dreams. 

2022 wasn't a bad year but it wasn't what I had hoped it would be either. It was more reflection, revelation, and painful lessons, going through a lot of unlearning and replacing that void with the necessary changes I needed to make to become the woman that God is moulding me into. I had to face a lot of ugly truths, most of them were about me, (That hit hard), this is where we begin to address my very awkward title. 

As many of you know, I am in my second marriage, I walked into this marriage big, bad and bold, with that attitude like "I've been there, done that, let me show you how it's done", only to receive the biggest reality check ever. 

To anyone who has been married more than once, if you haven't figured it out already, no two marriages are the same whether or not you think you are the same person. I guarantee that you are not the same person. Every person that we come into contact with will bring out something different in us, this could be friendships, romantic relationships, colleagues etc, we function differently with everyone. How much more a marriage where you now have to die to yourself, everything you knew as a singleton to become one with another person?

When we grow in faith, God will not keep us the same, he will require us to level up. Each experience we face and overcome should have triggered a change and some form of elevation in us. That is the main purpose of our tests and trials (James 1:2).

My biggest lesson and challenge has been in the area of submission, am I the only one?

I must admit that submission was not a word or act that I have been familiar with, it's not something that was required of me by my late husband; though we tried to do all we could to ensure a successful marriage, I was very much my own woman, with my mind, doing things the way I felt best, I was hardly ever told no, I had my own individual dreams and goals. Submission was never a topic until the last 5 years. Culture shock!

The reason for my title is not because submission is a dirty word, it's aimed at the feelings I had when the subject of submission was brought to me. I remember how I felt when it was requested of me in my current marriage. Truthfully loves, a rage rose in me, I felt very disrespected, as though I was being stripped of self and becoming a servant, a yes girl, and so many other thoughts. 

As far as I was concerned I was an independent woman, I don't need a man, I wanted one, I could do bad all by myself, I can handle my own, Don't talk to me like that, neck rolling like it's on a spinning top type woman. 

Having had this conversation with numerous women, it was quickly brought to my attention that indeed I was not the only one who felt this way, the feeling of being subservient just irked the flesh like no other. 

Now please don't cuss me, just give me a moment to explain my next statement, 'Submission is not a dirty word, as a matter of fact; it is one of the most beautiful acts demonstrated especially in marriage'. Il explain why. 

The easiest place to start was in identifying my purpose as a woman. To do this I had to go back to my creator the one who formed and designed me with great intention, so what was it?

Many are familiar with the book of Genesis, the whole story of Adam and Eve. This story has been told to me so many times over my lifetime, yet that's all it remained 'A story' until recently. 

In my pursuit of identity and purpose, I had to dig a little deeper into scripture, We serve a good God, he knows what we need in time and season; my husband gives the word weekly and even when he plans the word, God would always take over bringing us the topics centred around identity, purpose and authority, this helped me to get a perspective beyond my understanding. 

God in his majesty created man, and though he found that all his creations were good, Adam though made in perfection was not truly perfect until God decided to make him a helper, he was not pleased with the idea that man should be alone, so God took Eve out of Adam making Adam no longer whole but now apart of a unique purpose to seek fulfilment in unity with his wife. 

Here it came to my knowledge that the intent for God creating me was to be a helper to my husband, to complete him, I was fashioned from his rib, therefore I am an integral part of his make-up. 

The only other person called to be a helper in the word is God 'The holy spirit' (Genesis 2:18-23).

We, women, have a position in the lives of our husbands that is likened to the role of the holy spirit, ' A helper' (Romans 8:26).

Is it just me or is that mind-blowing? 

This is why we are natural nurturers, supportive and fiercely protective.

Wives, you were created for your husband, not your dad, not your uncle, brother, sister, mother, best friend or pastor but made for each other; this is the one you stood before God and made a covenant with. 

With that being said, Our husbands are our authority, our leaders, and our head covering (1 Corinthians 11:3), (1 Corinthians 11:7-9).

The revelation I received regarding the authority of God over man and man over woman, was that man is instructed by God and woman is instructed by her man in marriage, when we as women choose to disrespect our husband's authority we are disrespecting God (Ephesians 5:22).

Ok, so what if my husband, my covering, my authority figure isn't functioning in a manner that I think he should according to scripture? 

Then gurl 'I TELL ON HIM', I go straight to his authority, his headship and let God manage him. I'm quickly learning that is not my place and it gets me in more trouble trying to handle it myself because I have now overstepped a boundary that belonged to God, not me (Proverbs 21:1).

I have no right to stand up in the face of my man and tell him what I think he should be or should not be doing, I cannot step into his role and undermine his position in my life, in all things and that EVERYTHING, but I can advise him, comfort him, support him, encourage him and walk with him. I am called to action and that's submission, meekness, gentleness, soft natured and peaceful (1 Peter 3:1-2). 

When I choose to go against the word;

1. I take on the position of man, making his role obsolete. 
2. I give room to the enemy to operate in an atmosphere of confusion. (1 peter 5:8)
3. The enemy has access to me as Im walking in disobedience, he will accuse me in the courts of heaven. (Job 1: 6-7)
4. I withhold the blessings of God in my marriage. 
5. I become unattractive to my husband. ( If he wanted someone to challenge his authority as though they are a man, he would not be married to a woman, if you know what I mean). (1 Peter 3:3-4). 
6. We as women can tear down our homes and create a power struggle in the household, it also produces disobedient children, daughters who do not know how to submit and walk in humility, kindness, gentleness, who will never be able to take leadership from a man, and sons who do not know how to lead, gravitating to the role of the woman in the relationship. (Proverbs 14:1)

Does submission mean being a doormat? No not all, that is not the God we serve, is the Holy Spirit a doormat? Not at all.

Being submissive is a form of reverence and fear unto God first and then our husbands. It does not make us weak, but in reality takes strength and grace, which can only be found in a woman who serves the Lord and is willing to trust God with her life, her husband and her family. 

Unfortunately, society and feminism will tell you that everything I'm sharing is rubbish and that a woman does not need any man let alone submit to one, but the word of God tells us otherwise, that in fact, the primary purpose in our formation is for our husbands. 

Everything we have, everything we are and everything we embody, is to help and assist the man God gave to us.

When the Bible speaks about a man and woman becoming one (Genesis 2: 24), it's because separate they are incomplete, man was formed and God saw it was not good for him to be alone, and the woman was formed for man, together they are a complete masterpiece. 

We have the power to make or break our men, we have the power to change and shift the atmosphere when we pray for them, We are their rear guard, we see the things they don't see and we cover their blind spots, their weaknesses are our strengths and vice versa. 

Naturally, it should be easier to submit to a man that submits to God, but nevertheless, the word still encourages us that even if they don't we should still maintain steadfast in our humility to win them over, God will always hold a husband accountable for his wife, so I feel convicted to not make my husbands role harder than it already is. 

Am I a submissive wife lol? well, it would be interesting to hear my husband's response to this one, but in my honest observation of myself, I am most definitely trying to be one. 

I fight my impulses daily to do what I want, talk my mind how I want, do what I think is right, and undermine my husband's authority, giving the worst boss attitude. I have to check myself daily and recognise that the man responsible for me bears the image of Christ, the holy spirit lives on the inside of him, so If I would not deal with God in any kind of way, then I should not be willing to deal with my husband any kind of way. 

Reminder ladies, the bible does not give you grace to only be submissive to a man who knows him, even if your man is not a believer, the rules still apply. 

Ever wondered why it is so much easier to have more respect and reverence for your male boss, your male pastor, or even your male friend yet you can talk to your man like his a stranger? 

I let you in on a secret as to why... The enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10), if you understood the power behind marriages, if you understood how nervous a happy Godly marriage makes satan, you would be fighting daily to make sure it's successful if you are not already. 

Another ah-ha moment; when God was addressing husbands and wives in the bible, specific roles were identified within the marriage relationship. As wives by doing our part, it makes it easier for our husband to do their part, as submission starts with us and ends with him. 

I noticed that what I want to see in my husband, any changes I desired for him to make started with me. I had to change, I had to switch up my prayers from fix him, stop him, make him, change him ... to Help me, change me, fix me, let me see the best, let me respond better, etc, when I stop seeing my husband as my problem, but rather see the error in 'us' not only is that a form of humility but it demonstrates unity (if you mess up, I mess up), its changes our perspective and allows us to recognise cause and effect. 

There is power in unity, especially when two people made in God's image come together as one, a united couple has the power to bring forth life and multiply on the earth, to unite communities, and shake nations, to break generational curses, and create generational wealth. The word speaks about two or three being gathered in his name, there in the midst of them he will be (Matthew 18:20), so when a husband and wife agree with the holy spirit, imagine what can happen. 

God knows I could go on all day about why submission is important but I'm sure you don't want to be reading till you fall asleep lol. 

I'll wrap up on this note, submission is a beautiful act of trust, trust in God to work on our behalf and trust in our husbands to love and lead us, and also our husband's ability to trust us to let them lead and to support them in doing so. 

Even if our husbands are not leading us well, there is power in the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). 

What if instead of telling our men what they are doing wrong we gave them words of encouragement, we bigged them up on what they do right, rather than dictating and telling them what to do, we choose to make gentle suggestions?

I have a way to go in learning to submit but Im quickly realising that this process can be beautiful, especially when I learn to submit to God first, it makes submitting to my husband easier.

I have also come to the knowledge that when I submit to my husband he too has a form of submission to me, we submit to each other, giving room for grace and growth (Ephesians 5:21). 

Thank you for taking the time to read this blog, I truly hope that you were encouraged. Please share this blog with anyone you feel could benefit from Godly wisdom. 

I also strongly encourage you to check the scriptures and study further for yourself, asking God for discernment, please do not just take my word for it. I pack these blogs with scripture so that God's word can be proven true and not mine. 

I hope you receive your revelation too.

Love to all X 

1 Peter 3:5-6 

This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They put their trust in God and accepted the authority of their husbands. 6, For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do.