Unapologetically Crowned

Hi Loves, 

I hope you are all doing well, no doubt many of you are preparing for the upcoming Christmas season, I cannot believe it is coming up to that time of year already. Even though it is my favourite time of the year, I cannot say that I am at all prepared, however, my goal is to be done before the end of November, I have a bad habit of leaving things to the last minute and then getting all stressed about it. Let's see how I get on this year, preparing a Christmas for ten people, is not an easy feat but can be exciting. 

This month, I have been super excited, for not-so-obvious reasons; but for me, it's a big deal, as it is a landmark to celebrate my ability to stay committed to something I'm used to changing every month. 

On the 22nd and 23rd of October, I celebrated my one-year 'Loc-aversary', yep your girl did it, and I decided after years of deliberation to join the Loc movement. I acknowledge both days as it took 2 days to completely install my Locs, as I went for micro Locs. 

Looking back as far as I can remember, I have never been one to settle with one look or one style. Even looking at my baby pictures, it was evident that my mum liked to switch up my looks, so we all know where I got it from, lol. 

Most young black girls will be familiar with the notorious hair beads, you know the bundle of plaits that had the colourful beads piled on the end, giving a constant maraca vibe every time you turn your head. 

Imagine everywhere you go having a carnival attached to your head, Thanks once again, mum. 

Beads were one thing, but hair bobbles were another, I will never forget having my hair scrapped into various bunches, and adorned with brightly coloured ornaments, giving that Afrocentric Christmas tree vogue movement. Giving everyone who could not relate but was so fascinated a right to get handsy in my hair, I can assure you the permission was a figment of their imagination. I can only imagine that they were hypnotised by the bold colours and the clanging sounds of my hair's extraness that they could not even control the movement of their limbs reaching towards my display. Maybe they couldn't read the sign on my face or the face of my mother that read like any other artifactual exhibit "Do not touch this display". 

I wanted to believe that; If I had daughters of my own I would not subject them to having hair as colourful as a packet of skittles and as loud as a baby rattle in the hands of a toddler. 

But guys I indeed fell into the cultural appropriation of designing my girl's hair with the most.

Unlike my own experiences, I was reserved to the idea of ever putting extensions of braids in my girl's hair at a young age, Hence my desire to go all out on their styles, I deeply wanted my girls to love their hair regardless of how long or short, straight or curly, I wanted them to know that in any state or condition they were beautiful. 

I quickly learnt that every child is different and so is their haircare process, as I had to make the choice to put my twin daughter's hair in braids to stop them from ripping their hair out from the root, as well as to encourage growth as their hair struggles outside of protective styling. 

I never wanted them to feel that they had to have long hair to be accepted, liked or pretty, that simply working with what they were blessed with was the most important thing. That loving who you are would produce the best them; if they felt good on the inside first, it would naturally show on the outside.

It's all well and good looking great, but if you don't feel great, it will eventually take its toll and expose your condition. 

At a young age, I hated my hair, I couldn't stand how tightly curled it was and that it did not replicate the length of my counterparts, yet upon reflection, the ones I admired not only could not relate to me in hair texture but also skin tone. A factor not so obvious to me as a child as far as I was concerned, If you are a girl and I'm a girl, I should be able to have what you have, Race was never a factor to me until I approached an age where I was forced to conform to the unavoidable differences. 

I'm reminded of a little girl in role-play games, tying a scarf to my head or wearing a t-shirt on my head to replicate that of long flowing hair down my back; swishing my head around with the most dramatic and eccentric movements to get my long locks of silk scarf to move as though it has body and bounce. mimicking the herbal essence advert with firm affirmations of "Because I'm worth it from the L'oreal girls., 

It worked even better when my mother would put braids in my hair, a regular experience for me; which admittedly I hated in the moment of installation but loved after a few days when the soreness of my tender scalp would ease, from having my poor hair strands pulled, tugged and manipulated into obedience to blend into the synthetic hair extensions. 

I felt beautiful; but more interestingly as I write this blog; I just now caught the epiphany that, It was not the beauty behind the braids that I was in pursuit of but having my hair extensions made me feel as though I am now acceptable. 

Have any of you seen the movie 'Nappily ever after? I love this film as its so relatable, however my most "Yes sister girl, preach" moment, came in the scenes where she was a little girl having her hair hot combed and being fearful of even the basic human right to sweat, in fear of my fried straight hair, reverting to its natural state, short, tough, coily and a nightmare to comb.

Keeping a hot comb session for a decent period as a child was damn near impossible. 

In this season I was met with the beautiful black girl with shiny, straight, long hair, on this excitedly bright pink box, which housed the smelliest hair cream my mum would ever apply to my head 'Just for me. 

This box of relaxer cream changed the whole game for me, it became the only way I knew how to love my hair outside of the extensions, my hair became longer than usual, silky and shiny, and more manageable, hey I was even able to wear my hair out at times, something that was unheard of for most of us naturals as kids, I felt superior. Despite the scabs and burns on my scalp from the irritations of the cream but at the time it was worth it. I quickly learnt to sacrifice my comfort if I wanted it as straight as possible because we black girls know if you take the cream out too soon, you still left we some kink.

As a teenager, I upgraded from the pretty pink box to the youthful but grown-up girls of the purple or the grown women on the green boxes, the 'Dark and lovely' or 'ORS Olive oil'. 

Ladies, tell me I'm not the only one who remembers the week leading up to your retouch day, trying with everything in you to not scratch or irritate your scalp so that the relaxer cream wouldn't burn you and can hold as long as possible to achieve the bone straight look?.

AHHH, relaxers were great for the moment, but held the health of my hair captive, if not maintained well. That long silky hair I so loved soon started shedding and cutting off, until it eventually became uneven, broken, dry and brittle, no matter how many times my hair was straightened, it just got shorter and shorter. 

My only hope of damage control was to cut off the dead weight and start again natural, and since I had not yet learnt to love or look after my natural hair, it was back to protective styles where my hair could be rescued from impatience and inquisitiveness so... Sew-in, quick weaves, hair pieces (clip in), ponytail extensions ( with the drawstring), relaxers, hot combs, pixie cuts, dyed, braided, cornrowed, wigs, crochet braids, natural, and finally Locs...Sis, I had done it all. 

I can say without a doubt, Locs is me, considering my lifestyle, it works for me. 

Being a mama of 8, finding time to do my hair is damn near impossible. I needed my hair to work with me in every way, shape and form, I needed to be able to look good, without constant manipulation, without having to touch it every day and without compromising the health of my hair. I wanted to embrace my hair in its most natural form. 

Being completely natural and stripped back was not a season I could see for myself 5 years ago. 

But meeting my husband and having more children, brought me to a place where I had to consider what was necessary. 

Embracing my natural beauty became easier as my husband not only encouraged me in the process but he loved my presentation in every form… makeup was not necessary for him to see me as stunning, nor were wigs and weaves (which he hated) he fell in love with my most natural form, that dressing up was a bonus. 

This helped boost my confidence and was as equally a relief, It was the right kind of boost I needed to be free to love the most stripped-back version of me. 

I was also encouraged by my daughter Navaiah who at the age of 10 took the bold leap to locs her hair, she went for traditional Locs. 

Watching my daughter committed to the longevity of this style, and seeing her hair flourish and her confidence in herself grow, was inspiring to me. 

At such a young age she embraces her naturalness and owns it on a different level. 

My hair has been an ongoing battle, and something I took for granted. 

In my many years of experimenting with my hair, trying to find my thing, I have learnt so much, Inevtibably I found that depending on your lifestyle and the condition of your hair or even the season, the treatment you have to give your hair will always vary. 

Having my daughters and wanting the best for them, gave me the nudge I neglected and lead to a route to educate myself on haircare, I'm not just talking about the skills to cornrow, braid and style etc, but to identify the textures of our hair, the porosity, the best types of products to use, what seasons would be the best for protective styling, and what kind of styles would assist with health and growth retention with minimal manipulation. 

Now I am in a new season of life being 4 months postpartum I am facing a new battle with my hair journey. Your girl is facing some serious postpartum shedding, this has only been a thing for me since 2020, I never faced this with my older four children, yet I cannot ignore that I am much older now than I was then and my diet plays a big role in this. this is my third pregnancy and third year dealing with postpartum shedding right in my hairline, initially, it was traumatizing. I had no idea what was happening to me, and if it was something that I would get over. 

Post-partum shedding messed with my confidence and I hated that season of my life, the stress of standing in the shower and watching my hair stands fall out for what seemed to be forever, had me on edge for months until it started to grow back. This time around I face the same fate but this time with Locs, micro locs at that. As I type this blog I have locs at the front hanging on to two or three strands of hair. 

I still decided to go ahead and have them re-tied and put into a protective style where they cannot be tugged and manipulated any further until my next retie in 6 weeks. In the meantime, I'm intending to work on my health and fitness, eating right, working out as well as making sure I stay stress-free and keeping on top of my vitamins, moisturizing my hair frequently and most importantly drinking WATER, WATER, WATER.

Before I wrap up, have you ever taken time out to acknowledge the actual purpose and importance of your hair? truthfully, for me, the answer came when in my now season, of seeking peace for my shedding that I went into the word of God.

Yes, the bible speaks about our hair and the intent for it, and the word also covers those entering their season of going grey, trust me after you read the scripture you will no longer try and cover your greys anymore Lol.

I would like to take this moment to remind every reader that, these experiences, expressions, thoughts and feelings are my own, and by no means do I look at or judge others for their decisions to do what works for them, this is simply my unapologetic process, and I encourage each of us to have our own. 

Thank you for taking the time to read and share in many transitions of hair glory, in the stages of reminiscing, discovering and growing with my hair. 

I hope as I take this journey to embrace my crown in its current form, that you have the motivation, encouragement and faith to love your hair and work with it in whatever form, unapologetically do you, find what works for you, and own it. When you wear your crown well, it shows in your representation of self, be bold, be courageous, and most importantly be you confidently and comfortably. 

Love to all x

‭‭I Corinthians‬ ‭11‬:‭14 -15‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

14 Does not even nature itself teach you that if a man has long hair, it is a dishonour to him?

15, “But if a woman has long hair, it is a glory to her; for her hair is given to her for a covering.” 

Proverbs 16:31 NLT

31 Grey hair is a crown of glory; it is gained by living a godly life.

       (I own no rights to this song)