New Normal

Wow

Hey Loves

Another large gap between post’s, but as I’ve stated in most of my blogs that are far and few between, I may not get to post as often as I like but I am dedicated to this blog, so know that there will always be more.

I will try my hardest to keep this brief but yet as informative as possible.

Where have I been since the last blog? what's new? how am I and the kiddies coping since Kings passing?
well, here it goes........

God has truly and continually been great to me and the kids, he gets us through each day with the most grace including the days that I would consider to be a hot mess, because when I reflect back at the end of the day, I get revelation that the day could have gone a lot worse, things really wasn't as bad as it felt in the moment, and actually a lot was achieved.
I include in this the days I just can't get out of my own head, I can't escape my emotions and my motto for the day and everything it consists of including brushing my teeth is " I JUST CANT'.
the revelation in these kinds of days is that actually the pressures off, because I cut myself some slack and its the times when I don't have to smile at things I don't find cute, funny or entertaining, I don't have to care about my appearance and I really do not care what anyone thinks of my appearance at that point either, I do not have to cook, clean or do anything that I do not feel like doing at the time, why........ because I'm entitled to it, I am more than in my right to have my odd and off days, because its healthy, it's natural not just for me but for us all, as long as its not a regular occurrence, and you know what I'm going through stuff and I'm not a robot, nor am I superwoman as many people will remind me.

In days like this when all I can and want to do is cry, by the end of it, I get a release, spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally. The word says that tears are a language that God understands, they speak the things our hearts long to express but can't due to our consciousness and desires to control how we feel, when we feel and what we feel, suppressing the souls urge to release the unspeakable.
there is so much in the word of God that encourages us to release and express ourselves through tears and that God actually requires these emotions from us, but society tells us that crying is a sign of weakness.... weelllllll no honey, a sign of weakness is when I have an emotional breakdown that I can't bring myself back from, that causes me to abandon my post as a mother, a teacher, a friend, a woman of God, a praise and worship minister and all the other roles and responsibilities I have, the kind of breakdown when I basically just handy the baton of my life over the enemy and say " Here you go, run with it, o and please feel free to pass it on to all your minions and friends so that they can further toy and torment my life as you all run the circumference of my existing days".
Probably a little dramatic but hey, sounded good in my head LOL.

Basically I'm saying I'd rather seem weak to world in the expression of my soul and gain the unexplainable peace and joy that God promised me because he understands the language of my tears and can provide for me the things I do not even know that I need for myself, than to please those who cannot comprehend even the basics of my life and live in the prison of self-destruction.

(Damn it's gonna be another long post....sorry guys I'm on a roll Lol).


That being said, I'm learning to be free in my emotions and allowing God to have his way.


A lot in the last 4-5 months have changed for me and my bambinos, we are adjusting to a lot of changes in our lives as well as settling into our ' new normal '.

My babies are awesome....I'm not being biased but they really are, they are strong and their faith is mind-blowing.   So my twinnies have officially started secondary school, I feel like in the space of a month they have changed sooooo much its scary, I think Isaiah's ( I.Z-POO ) voice got deep when he came back from his home from his first day at school and Nialah (NOONOO) came home with a mini attitude and a Nigerian accent, to say I'm confused.com is an understatement.
but in all seriousness they have matured so much and I did not think it was possible, they are extremely independent, they are my co-captains.... but I cannot give all credit to the twins because my Elijah (AMARI) and Navaiah (CASSY DE LA BOOM BOOM) are as equally amazing, they all work extremely hard and help me so much, they let me know its ok not to be ok and they don't make me feel bad for it.

To say these kids understand and care just does not seem enough, there are days when they can see I am exhausted and they offer to make themselves dinner as well as mine.
Days when NooNoo will do the laundry and they will complete their chore and then some just so I'm ok and can relax. They cuddle me and love on me not just when I'm sad but most of the time just because.
they take care of each other when they need to and they are independent and remind me constantly of who my God is, they never let my faith waiver, I often at times wonder if they know I'm the mama, the parent, the El Capitan LOL.
they are my mini besties but they maintain boundaries without me really having to say much.

So I took the leap and went back into the working world FULLTIME (what was I thinking), but seriously, God opened up doors and opportunities and placed 4 jobs before me and put me in a position to be able to choose who I wanted to work for rather than who wanted me.
my hours are great despite being fulltime, I still get a great and fortunate amount of time with my family when I leave work, and when they are on half term so am I... So I win basically, I work in college with amazing and trying students but its so rewarding and I love them secretly, and I get plenty of time with my babies.

God has also opened doors thanks to these Blogs, I have been invited to speak at a number of events to share my blogs, my life, my story, my testimony and boast about how great God has been, is and will be in my life.
I currently have my hands in a few projects at the moment that I can't wait to share with you soon.
just watch this space.

I have kept you long enough, but before I end the blog, I've said it and il continue to say it, just 'Trust the process' you may not understand why? how? when? who? or where? and all the rest but if you know God is the center of it all then you can't go wrong and anything he brings you to, take your through, or removes you out of or away from, it but only for your good, he will set you up better than you could ever dream of doing for yourself because he knows your end.

I love you all so much and I'm beyond grateful for all the support thus far.
we miss King daily and not a day has passed that I don't long for him, and I don't doubt my babies feel the same, but God has given us peace in his passing, so I will always bring my thoughts back to beauty that my darling King got to go home a little earlier than we expected, nevertheless his home and will always be with us all the time in our hearts and in many other ways.
we laugh, we cry, we are still very much grieving but we have joy in our hearts because we trust the most-high, the alpha, and omega, the author, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.


Psalm 71:21 
You will restore me to even greater honor and comfort me once again. 

1 Peter 5:10 
In his kindness, God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support and strengthen you and he will place you ona firm foundation.