Goodness Grieve

Goodness grieve 


Hey Loves 

You're probably baffled by my title or your thinking I can't spell or that English was not my strongest subject lol, mostly true but in this instance, I meant it how you see it. 

I want to apologize for the huge gap between blogs, however, I know most of my readers are aware of my current situation and the complications my family has been facing over the last 9 months but especially the last month and a half. 
but as I stated previously, I am dedicated to the blogs no matter how far and few between and writing and posting is still very much a priority for me, even in the midst of my mess. 

So on Sunday 6th May 2018, I lost my husband, my best friend, my rock, the father to my children, the man I called king, the head of my home, my Adam, one of my biggest encouragers and supporters... Guys, I could go on and on. his actually gone, like he really left me, and our children. 

My darling husband spent the last 9 months of his life in battle, and even in his death, he was still victorious. he was diagnosed with cancer in August and he went into remission in December, he beat cancer and he won the battle, however after his stem cell transplant he developed many different complications and he put up a huge fight, his last month, his immune system took a big hit and he developed pneumonia and unfortunately he just could not recover. 
to say that he was a fighter was an understatement, his strength and courage was beyond admirable. I truly thank God for allowing me to stand by this amazing man's side all the way to his last breath, it was truly an honor. 

In this process, starting back from August, God truly took us as a family through a lot of testing and faith-building experiences, our lives were truly shaken and made to be very uncomfortable, God took all forms of control from us and left us in a place where we had no choice but to depend on him, I was taken to a point where I was forced to my knees, I was forced to my face where I has no choice but to surrender all. I came to a place where I had no other option but to fully submit, to tap out and tag God in, I had to give up everything I loved, I had to give them back to God in order for his will to be done, because I was stuck between a rock and a hard place, I was in Eygpt awaiting my deliverance from my pain, sorrows, and afflictions.  
What does this mean you ask ??????
It means I surrendered my husband, my children, myself, my finances, my home, my car, everything that I loved or that made me comfortable, everything I depended on, I had to give it back, I had to tell God that he could have full control of it all, so that he could give it back to me his way, which is ultimately perfect. 

I had to be stripped of all comfort and all control in order to truly give up my will in order for Gods will to be fulfilled in me. 
many will probably not understand what I'm talking about, but I pray that a time come where your eyes will be open to the beauty of total surrendering. 
But you have to be ready, truly be careful what you ask God for, praying daily for Gods will to be done can be a bigger challenge for you to comprehend if you are not ready to deal with any cost and consequences that come with that kind of takeover.  do not assume that God's will is parallel to your heart's desire.  most time its the complete opposite. 
when I surrendered my husband back to God, it wasn't me giving up my husband but giving up everything to do with him that I tried to control and understand that was not for me to do, giving up everything that I allowed to be a distraction in Gods process with myself as well as my family, it was giving up everything that I tried to control, it was surrendering all control, all rights, and deeds back to its rightful owner. 

What we have to understand is God is not like a man, so don't assume his plans, agendas, will, or direction is as fathomable as a mortal mindset, it's truly not, there is no scientific, biological or chemically balanced way of understanding the mind of God, not even the highest IQ, the smartest genius could begin to even scratch the surface of God mind and how intricate it is.  the only way I can describe the mind of God is indescribable, simple as that really. 

There were many times in the last season of my husband's life that the lord tried to show me what was going to happen, and tried to give me that heads up, but I didn't want to believe it, so I chose ignorance rather than accept the gift that God was offering me in giving me the warning, because honestly he didnt have to, he could have taken my husband suddenly and not allowed many things that had happened in that time to happen, that have now brought much revelation and growth to my life, which I do not doubt will be the foundations of my building process. 

Its been nearly two weeks since my husband passed away and I can honestly say not a day has gone by that I have not reflected on the last 9 months and received an uncountable amount of revelation and lessons, the pieces of the puzzle that once made absolutely no sense began to come together and form the greater picture, and the mysteries of God. 

King's death will not be in vain, but in order for that to happen, I have to give all control to my creator for he knew my end before my beginning had begun. 
he knew king would live only 30 years, he knew that he would have 4 small children and a wife, he created him to impact lives in more ways than even king could imagine, he went to the grave unaware of the number of people whose hearts and lives he penetrated with his love and kindness, talents and compassion, what a gentle soul he was? many did not deserve him but still, he forgave without question and he loved deeply.
My love had completed his assignment here on earth, he had fulfilled all God had required of him and it was time for him to rest. 
yes, his left behind his wife but my time with him was not wasted. we were together for 16 years, however, we experienced everything in our time together that would take most 40 + years. 
he taught and impacted my life enough for me to be able and prepared enough to continue the rest of days without him.

Yes he leaves behind 4 children but there was something in Jides DNA that needed to manifested through the birth of these children which will be and is apart of Gods greater plan for them, yes his time was short with them, however, he impacted and taught them enough of what he needed to in order to mould and plant a seed in them that will later grow them into the men and women God desired for them to be. 

This blog is long and I could honestly keep going, but I will probably do a part 2, I understand that for many, the blog may seem different or not make any sense, bare with me, in coming blogs I will be tieing this all together, I'm just trying to give you the important bits without you having to read one blog for hours because I can't stop typing lol.

I will forever have a part of me missing, My husband and I grew together and we started building together since I was 13 years old, his all iv known and now Its just me. this transition is not going to be easy, Im in the process of grieving I guess but for me its good grieving lol, meaning that yes I have to allow myslef to feel what I need to feel, il need to cry, il need to scream, and I may have days that I cant get out of bed, however I will not be consumed by grief, my husband has now completed his assignment and fullfilled his destiny, but I still have work to do to ensure I get to meet him again when my time comes, so grief can not keep me in a drak place, good grieving is feeling how you feel and owning it, expressing it but gravitating that energy toward the heavenly father who can turn that pain, frustrtion, anger and bitterness into something beautiful. 
I'm thankful because in my grieving God has also afforded me the ability to see the beauty in such tragedy.
that's GOOD GRIEVING, it takes away all power from every source of negativity and darkness and allows lights and positivity to consume what could be bad and ugly. 

So my loves I'm grieving for the love of my life but don't worry I'm good grieving. 

1 Thessalonians 4: 13- 18 

13. And now, dear brothers and sister, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died so you will not grieve like people who have no hope.
14.for since we believe that Jesus died and was raised to life again, we also believe that when Jesus returns, God will bring back with him the believers who have died.
15. We tell you this directly from the Lord: we who are still living when the Lord returns will not meet him ahead of those who have died.
16. for the Lord himself will come down from heaven with a commanding shout, with the voice of the archangel, and the trumpet call of God.
Firstly, the believers who have died will rise from their graves.
17. then, together with them, we who are still alive and remain on the earth will be caught up in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. Then we will be with the Lord forever.
18. So encourage each other with these words.


I find peace in my husband freedom and that his resting in the arms of King Jesus, I know that king is forever with us as one my angels watching me and the kids continue life and making him proud. we will miss you now and forever more, rest in eternal peace. I love you